In this article, you will learn about what makes a man adore a woman.
- Why women's magazines are wrong about what men are looking for and want in a woman, and how you can use this to your advantage.
- What men find really attractive traits in women - without understanding this, you do not understand why the inner decisive factor is.
- What you can do to look smarter to a man.
- Why every man hates drama (Hint: he can't help it).
…and much more
As a dating coach, I get to hear everything daily ...to hear everything about what is not going well in the relationship of a customer. Or of a man what he is looking for in a woman. Or what a woman thinks a man sees in her.
The funny thing is that what women think a man finds attractive is often not the most important thing at all.
Often women think that it is very important to men about their appearance.
And you are partly right about that. Sure, men want a pretty woman. And we are biologically programmed to look for a woman who looks the best.
But there are a lot of other needs that men have. And those happen to weigh much heavier than appearance. Certainly, if we enter into a relationship with you.
If you ask the average man what he finds attractive, he will undoubtedly talk about the external characteristics he prefers to see in a woman. Let him describe his dream wife. And then ask him: “ And suppose this woman couldn't talk and always threw away your beer before you could drink it. Would you like a relationship with her? "
I think you can guess the answer ...
Clearly an attractive inner is enormously important for men. We don't talk about it often. But fair is fair: women don't often ask about it. Except for me then, because I am a dating coach.
“ And when a woman starts talking about this, I often have to clear up some misunderstandings. "
You cannot build a palace until you have demolished the ugly apartment building that is now standing there.
Before a woman comes to me she has had an influence on it for years. By advertisements. Television. And above all: women's magazines.
Normally I stand in front to confirm if men are to blame for anything. I mean, I think I am great, but sometimes I and my fellow men do plainly stupid things. But when it comes to what attractive qualities we look for in women, I think most misunderstandings arise because women make assumptions.
" These are full of tips on how you can look better - and how this will help "
And it makes sense that those magazines start about that. Their main sources of income are advertisements for make-up that can be found around the page. If a woman is unsure about her success with men and you want to sell her something, tell her this helps her outwit her dream man.
But the reality is different. For men, it is very simple in appearance. As long as you look good enough, we think it's fine. Because you can look nice from a distance, but if we get scared when you start talking to us, we are still running fast.
To prevent you from driving away your dream man by saying something to him that he would prefer to climb onto a tall tree, I have listed below the ten things that men find most important about your inner self. Some of them are recognizable feminine traits, some more surprising.
I think that most women spend too much time working on their appearance
Believe me, if you wear good-fitting clothes, are not too fat or too thin and look healthy, that is often enough. But what you can't get away with - at least in a relationship - is a lousy inner thing. So stop your obsession with outer appearance: we men don't see that at all. We focus on your inner self.
And if men turn that over to you, it's not your fault. Because has anyone ever told you that men are important on the inside? Have you ever had the chance to work on it? Exactly.
That is why below listed are the list of things that a man finds attractive of a woman. Based on all my conversations and coaching sessions with men over all my years as a dating coach.
What makes a man adore a woman
Thing 1: No man likes a bad ear
No, men are not particularly fond of a depressed dodo. Who does nothing but stare into the mirror, pulls her eyebrows and is disappointed that she does not look like the photo-shopped anorexia customer on the cover of the latest Cosmopolitan.
What we love is very simple: self-assured femininity. It is a very attractive feature.
That means:
Show that you like a man and not be ashamed of it.
Glad you are a woman, and happy with what you have.
Feel good about yourself and be happy about who you are.
I remember meeting a female radio presenter after an interview
This woman was not blessed with a very pretty appearance. She will probably be the first to joke about why she does radio and not TV. In any case, she was not nominated for a beauty prize ...
... but she didn't care.
She was cheerful, calm and happy. You could tell from everything about her that she was feeling good. Even though she might not be pretty, she was happy. I saw how she looked at her boyfriend - and I am not an expert in this field, but he is one of the best-dressed men - and I immediately understood why he had fallen for her. She might not be the most beautiful thing, but she had her self-confidence and her satisfaction with who she was.
Thing 2: You do not need a man approval
Every man has once had a relationship with a woman who did nothing but calls or send him messages. Load him with questions that he couldn't do at all with. Use all sorts of reasons to contact him. And once every three days a fight started because she had doubts about whether he liked her enough.
Too many women are very insecure about their femininity and their personality. They are the opposite that a man finds attractive, as you could read in thing no. 1. And there is a very simple cause for this.
“ They seek their approval from a man. "
Some women have become vulnerable and insecure for whatever reason. When they get into a relationship with a nice man, they can hardly believe this.
Instead of talking openly and honestly about this - which is of course very difficult - they decide to solve this problem by checking every five minutes if that man is still there for them.
They want constant confirmation that they are attractive and sought after.
And especially from their boyfriend. Their desire to be liked is so strong that they seem desperate. Men do not find this attractive.
This is quite painful because a woman who is already insecure can get a thump from the man who leaves her. And I also understand that such uncertainty does not fall from the sky and that often quite unpleasant things have preceded it. But luckily there is a fairly simple solution for this.
" Get confirmation from multiple points in your life "
Build your life on multiple pillars
Look. If you make other people responsible for how well you feel about yourself, you are going to have a very hard time.
On the other hand, every person needs to be liked by other people. That is so healthy.
You want to create a middle way where you enjoy the positive things that other people think of you, without having to ask for it.
For fun, go for a night of dancing with girlfriends and see how many men are lurking at you. Then see how many of them - and only a small part - can have the guts to speak to you.
If you have a sport where you get a lot of satisfaction, try to get better at it
It is good for your self-confidence and you lose some tension.
Spend time with other women who support you. Get confirmation from the friends you have around you. That support you and not pull you down.
Be grateful for the things that you have achieved today and the things that you will do tomorrow. Realize that you cannot be challenged with confidence, but that you have to earn it. By working hard and gather the right people around you. And not to be ashamed of who you are. Live like a modern woman.
If you are not dependent on a man for your confirmation, this will cause pressure to be released. Giving him the chance to develop feelings for you at his own pace. Instead of you constantly checking with him to see if they are already there.
Thing 3: Be satisfied with yourself
With thing no. 2, I mentioned the insecure woman who needs constant confirmation.
But there is also the uncertain woman who is constantly fighting.
These women mistakenly describe themselves as " strong, confident and independent ". They think men should be intimidated by them. In reality, men think they are smart and have no desire to spend time with someone who is constantly fighting them.
Someone who constantly wants to get lucky is terribly annoying to deal with, male or female. And as long as you can't stop being smart, a man simply won't find room to show that he likes you.
Suppose you tell a man that you find him attractive, and he makes this ridiculous with a peculiar remark ...
Then you wouldn't feel comfortable either. The same applies to a man. The fact that he gives you attention and talks to you is a lot for him. It requires courage because its social status is related to how women judge it. If you then hang out with the clown and constantly argue with him, it feels like you're playing with his ego. There is nothing to win for a man, except by running away from it. Which therefore ultimately happens.
If this is something you are struggling with: try to be satisfied with who you are. I know it takes courage, but try to enjoy your feminine side. The side that likes it that a strong man shows an interest in her.
Thing 4: Have an opinion
This may sound somewhat contradictory with the previous Thing. But that is not it.
There is a difference between continuously discussing issues that you do not find important, or quietly giving your opinion about things that you do find important.
Men want to know your taste. We find it interesting if we are attracted to you. When we go out to dinner with you, we want to know what you like. If you don't know that, or it takes you just as long to make a choice until the kitchen is closed, we will be annoyed by you.
A woman without taste is totally uninteresting. The reason is simple. If you have no taste and you will find our " fun ", what does this mean then? Does it still matter how we are structured as a man or did we happen to come by and you had nothing to do? It requires self-knowledge to know what you like. But this is something that a man finds attractive. He wants a woman who makes conscious choices. So he can feel good about himself. This makes it more fun to be near you.
In my coaching practice, I notice that men who have a woman without an opinion do not actually respect her. It also works that way for a casual date. We go to bed with them, but there is not much respect. So don't be afraid to tell what you think.
Thing 5: Give us the feeling that we are doing well
If a man has a girlfriend, he wants to make her happy.
It's in his men's DNA to try that. He feels insecure if he fails.
And if he doesn't know what your taste is, it will be very difficult to accomplish that mission.
Conversely, a man thinks it is wonderful if you reward him when he " does it right ". In this respect, we are just like dogs that need strict guidance. " This is nice, and this is not nice ." It ensures that a man gains confidence in his abilities. That is good for his self-esteem. It gives his ego a boost.
So the next time your husband comes up with a bunch of roses - and you actually like this - then let him notice subtly (or not so subtly) how much you appreciate it.
Thing 6: Have your own life
A woman who is only focused on her husband is going to annoy us.
She has nothing to talk about. She depends on him. She adds a few new things to his life.
It is much nicer if she "does her own thing ". So she has something to say at the end of the day. How she was with her friends. What she has achieved today. Where she's going tomorrow.
It is the difference between: " this woman has no life without me " and " this woman has a great life, maybe I can be part of it. "
Thing 7: Let him work for you
No, I don't mean you should let him do the dishes for you tonight. Or that you have to let him vacuum the entire house before he gets a kiss. Nor that you play " hard to get " and ignore him unless he jumps through a couple of hoops you set up like a submissive seal.
What I do mean is that you let him make an effort that matches his level of interest in you. You also know that if you really like someone, you are naturally willing to put a lot of effort into that person. But psychological research has shown that it also works the other way around: we place more value on things for which we have to work.
What you want to prevent is that he likes you, but he loses interest because he has little trouble doing it for you. This is what can happen because men have a hunting instinct.
They are biologically programmed to make an effort first ...
... and then receive the reward in the form of a tasty piece of meat. We find it easy to get our meat from the Supermarket, in such a cellophane container, but we don't feel very masculine and attractive about it. While it gives much more satisfaction when we have shot the bear ourselves.
If he's interested, it's okay not to respond to his messages for a day. As a result, he receives the signal that you are not available 24/7. This fits with the image he already has of you: he likes you and expects the rest of the world to find you fantastic too. This is reflected by the fact that you did not answer him for a moment via WhatsApp.
And this is just a simple example. You want to give him time to miss you and long for you. This is only possible if he does not get to see you every minute of the day, and sometimes has some time in between. Or that you sometimes ask him something, so that he can be the noble knight. It is the cliché of a man who opens a jar of pickles for a woman. Sure you can usually do this yourself, but it makes men feel good if they can do it for you.
Thing 8: Respect his space
Every man wants to feel big and strong. But every man has his demons.
Suppose a man has problems. Then he is forced to deal with this in his own way and at his own time. He can only do this if his girlfriend does not pant him.
That has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't like you, or that he doesn't appreciate your help. But how he works psychologically prevents him from accepting this help. See it that way. In the past, the men were responsible for protecting the tribe. Including women. And if an enemy tribe were at the door, it would be better if the women hid as quickly as possible while the men made short work of the invaders. If a woman would say, " I don't want to interfere. " Then this was totally inappropriate and she was pushed aside.
Fortunately, our safety is guaranteed nowadays, for both men and women.
But it is still male nature to shield women from problems that we are. I hope you don't blame us too much. Because if you can accept that, then you and your friend will be delighted.
The moment you try to help your friend in times of stress if only if he cannot find his way, he will feel less like a man. He will think: “ This woman thinks I cannot take good care of her. Who does she think she is? He experiences it as offensive and will quickly defend himself. So if you notice this, try to take a deep breath a few times and especially not to try again. If you are lost because it doesn't work out well with the card, then that's it. Then it only takes ten minutes longer. Because I think that your satisfaction in the relationship may be more important than whether you are ten minutes late, yes or no.
That being said:
If your husband is about to drive into a canyon, it is handy to make him aware of this. But for everything else, when it comes to non-life threatening situations, it is appreciated by men if you don't get into their space.
And this also applies if he has a problem. Suppose his cat died and he is very sad. He may then have the tendency to isolate himself. Many women then think that it is up to them. That they have done something wrong. “ Why can't he express his emotions? "But that's not the fault of those women. It's simple: his cat Poekie is dead and he simply needs the time to process this in himself. He cannot use you for that. And when he can do that, he will come to you naturally. He has your number.
Thing 9: Kick as little drama as possible
Look. Of course, your mood sometimes changes. Do you have a bad day, or are you a little sad? That makes sense.
But for us men, this works very differently. We have two facial expressions. Happy and unhappy. There is another one in between, and that is the expression we face on our faces 99% of the time. Very occasionally we are happy or unhappy, but it is. Our " range " of emotions is a lot smaller than yours. We understand that on an intellectual level. But if you go through a huge range of emotions in a few hours, we don't understand this emotionally. We simply cannot follow it.
No, I'm not going to say that you just have to go through these emotions. That is not so much the problem, although it helps if you can give a little text and explanation here and there so that a man understands you better. But there is one thing that men get away with enormously, which is strongly related to mood swings.
" Drama "
Drama is when a woman reacts to her mood swings to a man or makes him the direct object in it. An employee of mine told me that his girlfriend always had doubts about the relationship when she had her period. Once he realized that it always happened around her period, he could live with it. But for that, he found it very annoying. It really came out of the blue for him, and his girlfriend almost forced him to make sure she felt better. Men don't mind at all if you fly in all directions, even though we don't understand much of it. But what we find annoying is when we experience pressure as a result. We definitely don't want that pressure.
A solution that is often mentioned is to be as positive as possible. Positivity is never wrong, but the nasty thing about mood swings is that they are difficult to control. You cannot change anything with positivity. The only thing you can keep in mind is that sometimes it's better not to kick a drama. Don't blame him. Reacting intense emotions in other places and with other people than with a man you like. Everything to keep him out of the wind.
If you understand that it is stressful for a man - we are not built on it - then you also understand why men avoid drama like the plague. Maybe you can help us by taking this into account.
Thing 10: Intelligence
Because of all those women's magazines, you would almost forget it. But men like an intelligent woman.
That does not mean that you have to be the new Einstein. But research shows that most relationships work best when the participants have approximately the same IQ. With large differences, it becomes more difficult.
Let me illustrate this with the example of an acquaintance. For a while, he rummaged with a beautiful woman who had a good time, but after a while, he broke up. He was completely embarrassed that sometimes she came up with things that didn't seem very smart to say the least. Or as he put it himself: “ I see no challenge in a woman who thinks Batman is based on a true story. "
Ah, who am I kidding? It was not knowledge. I wash it myself.
Well, of course, you don't really control how intelligent you are. But you can always do things to come across as smarter and further develop yourself. Read books. Don't be afraid to give your opinion. Try to learn from others. All these things work to ensure that you get the right connection.
These are the 10 things about what makes a man adore a woman.
However, there is one thing that is so enormously important, check out at
the woman men adore.
More than a hundred years ago it was not done to address a man as a woman or to consciously attract his attention ... Fortunately, the ladies had found something:
If you talk to him, make sure you look at him longer than you normally would. You create a very sensual tension between you.